Off Subject
by Kye Above
Summary: Crack One-shot. A positive pregnancy test is found at Wammy's House and when Roger and Watari confront the older kids about it, there is an...interesting outcome, with many secrets revealed. Pity the poor old men. /A lot of implied sexual situations and overuse of the word sex. No Mpreg. Sequel to be written.


_***Edit* How the hell did this become so popular? Well, thanks for that. (Now if only people would read my other stories this much!)**_

**Because L and Watari are in this assume that they survived the Kira case and they came to visit when this happens. Also, let's say that Light never regained his memories of being Kira.**

**Do not take this seriously. Seriously.**

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Roger had gathered up all the girls and boys eleven years of age and up, because one of the girls in that age group had to be the one who used the pregnancy test, and he was hoping that the boy who had gotten the girl pregnant would take blame right away. Many eyes traveled between red faced Roger, disappointed looking Watari and the blank faced L standing at the front of the room beside Watari. Finally, Roger held the test up for everyone to see.

"I am very disappointed in who ever this belongs to. You didn't wait for marriage before having sex." All the males in the room tensed up, and everyone of them had some form of an 'Oh Crap' look on their faces. The girls shared glances with each other, sharing silent messages between them.

"Well, is anyone going to speak up and say that it's theirs?" Watari asked, more disappointed in his genii then he had ever been before. Nothing like this had ever happened, but he blamed the changing world. He should have been more concerned that it had not happened before, because the orphanage had been open for many years.

Silence met his request, and it stayed this way, until finally, the expecting mother finally spoke up.

"It's mine sirs." Everyone in the room but L recognized the voice, and all but one of the younger males in the room stopped being tense. It was Linda who had spoken up. The dear, sweet 'innocent' artist who would have known better than to have sex out of marriage.

Roger and Watari were ready to take her out of the room so they could take with her privately, when almost everyone in front of them crawled over to her and started congratulating her. She did not seem to want the attention, but she put up with it.

"It's his isn't it? The new sex god?" One of the females finally asked.

"You girls have dubbed somebody the new sex god!?"

"But we all know that Linda's only slept with one person!"

"You mean to tell me that the girls think that NEAR is a sex god?!" Mello was not very happy with this revelation. "I know I don't sleep with as many girls as I have slept with Matt, but really! I have to be better in bed than him. I'm surprised he has even slept with somebody!"

It just go even more disturbing to Roger and Watari.

"He always makes it interesting"

"Children's toys aren't the only kind he owns!"

"He's bigger than he looks."

"Definitely bigger than Mello"

As similar praises continued and Roger and Watari became even more disturbed, L watched as Linda escaped from the group and ran to sit beside Near, who seemed trapped within his own thoughts.

"Near, I just found out today, so don't think that I've been hiding this from you."

Linda did most of the talking while Near nodded or shook his head at her questions, occasionally speaking out his thoughts. L smiled a little when they decided that they were keeping the child. The smile grew when they exchanged a hug.

He noticed that the others were still discussing how good in bed Near was. They seemed to have forgotten why they were there in the first place. Watari looked close to having a heart attack, and Roger was looking very angry. He wondered if this was the time to tell them.

"Okay, if he can do that then he must be a sex god." The girls were happy that they had finally convinced Mello that even in bed, Near was still number one. They were now getting on the subject of how Mello could end up being the sex god of 'yaoi sex' if he slept with boys other than Matt. Roger was at his breaking point, while Watari had to sit down.

"Everyone! I may not like you at all, but I am very disappointed that you would do all these things! Wammy's House is supposed to be a place where genius orphans can live together with people like them, like _siblings_!" Roger would have gone on longer, but L finally decided that it was time to speak up.

"Roger, I may not have spent much time here, especially when I was in their age group, but I've done my research, and I found out that this type of behaviour had been going on for generations." He then turned to Watari. "I know this is a shock to you, but what did you expect when you put genii children all in one place. Did you not expect them to get curious at least once?"

"I expected better than this."

"It's to be expected. Even I had my one time of curiosity when I was younger. That's why I was so determined to keep that pregnant Thai woman from catching the virus, and why I wanted the child sent here." If he had a different personality, he probably would have burst out laughing at the look on Watari's face. "Yes, while Near is a father to be, I'm now a grandfather to be."

There was a shocked silence.  
"What?"

"You're Near's father. No wonder that brat's in first place!" Mello was the one to break the silence. He seemed mad, but also pleased. He was sure this meant that he really was better than Near in intelligence, so in other words better at him than everything but performance in bed.

Near and Linda exchanged amused glances before Near stood up.

"While it's shocking that the great L is my father, I have some news that will truly change how you think of me." He grabbed some of his hair and started twirling it. "While it's hard to tell, I am not albino, nor is my hair white. I'm a platinum blond."

There was a collective gasp.

L found it amusing that everyone was more shocked over Near's true hair colour than they were over everything else. He would have to remember to tell this story to Light when the man finally forgave him for making that _comment_ about Matsuda.

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**Look out for the sequel to this, possibly called _On the Subject of Dying Horribly, _where L has to take care of his grandson, and due to Light's influence and the fact that the grandson is demented, everything goes wrong. **


End file.
